I’ve been on the road for over 6 months now. The way I’ve been traveling is a bit loose; more or less planning as I go so I’m free to be spontaneous if the opportunity arises. I’ve had plenty of amazing and unforgettable experiences to be sure. But, obviously not every day can be an epic adventure. I’ve found that usually after a really incredible week of jam-packed fun, the next few days come with a down turn — a lack of activities and sometimes lonely feelings creeping up. If I’m not sure what to do next, I end up rushing through the planning phase to try and get to the following amazing experience and either make some bad decisions or waste time being indecisive.
So, even though a trip like this should be stress free, I have felt some pressure to make every moment count. That also applies to managing all of this media. Photography, video, witty status updates. As mentioned, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity so I’ve has the mindset that anything left uncaptured is lost. It doesn’t seem totally healthy, or accurate. It’s not like the world is an attraction that’s closing next year (although maybe in the next 10 according to some climate change scientists). Sometimes it’s hard to accept that putting down the camera is ok. I’ve actually done this for almost a full month in Vietnam and nothing has crumbled to the ground…yet.
Anyway, I think the guilt — or shall I call it “drive” (to be more positive) — is innate within me. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I always feel the need to create. When I was back home, if I spent an afternoon watching Netflix there was a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I should be writing music. While on the road, I’ve tried my best to fill my “down time” with video or photo editing.
I’ve come across plenty of long-term travel blogs and forums discussing the importance of “rest”, which might be an infuriating term for those of you out there still going to work everyday. How do you need rest when you’re on what is an extended vacation? It does seem counterintuitive. I suppose taking a day to chill out and not worry about planning and logistics refreshes the mind and body. Maybe so.
For me, I’ve tried it out a few times. The main problem I encounter is that it disrupts the inertia. It’s exponentially harder for me to get the forward momentum back once I’ve taken my foot off the gas. The couch or bed swallows me. I have trouble fighting my way out. Searching for the next hilarious meme is substantially easier than getting outside and going for a run, amirite? Sigh. Stupid motivation.
In the grand scheme of things, what does this mean? I guess I’m realizing that some of our impulses can’t be rerouted. I thought that my brain chemistry might change its configuration a bit while traveling. Even though I’m learning a lot and processing a few large-scale thoughts, there’s two principles that remain constant: life will find a balance and I can’t escape my inner desire to make shit.
Legacy has been a subject I’ve been thinking about over the past two years or so. Maybe something that comes out of this trip will be mine. But if not, I have to figure out how to be ok with that. Because experiences aren’t erased even if there’s no tangible evidence.