Happy Anniversary

One year away from home. Actually, a few days longer, but who’s counting?

It was a thrilling prospect before I left. Uncharted territory. Like landing on the moon. Ok. Obviously not that significant. But, still a leap into the unknown. After being gone so long, the concept of home has changed. Life on the road has essentially morphed into my “normal.” So I guess it’s a battle of two adages: “home is where the heart is” or “home is where you hang your hat.” If we’re going by the former, it’s still Richmond. If we’re going by the latter…well, damn. I have been wearing hats a lot. And they’ve been hanging in so many different places. Counting the number of beds I’ve slept in over the past year would take a full day, so we’re going to have to settle for “heaps.”

As a person that loves the order and comfort of my own space, I’ve adapted as well as can be expected to messy hostels, a consistently uninteresting wardrobe, and living out of a backpack. Either I’ve relaxed the desire to control my environment (thus developing lazier habits) or I’m able to recognize that the situation is mostly temporary so I don’t sink effort into changing it for a day. I think my mindset would be different if I knew it was more permanent. The only way to know for sure is to make an assessment after I’ve returned.

By far, the most repetitive conversation I’ve had over my travels is: 

  • What’s your name? 
  • Where are you from?
  • How long have you been traveling?
  • Where have you been?
  • Where are you heading next?

I’ve considered getting the answers tattooed on myself. The frequency is somewhat painful, but it does lead to some worthwhile interactions with fellow travelers. The contacts list in my phone has definitely exploded. To be fair, I’m not communicating with all of them, but there’s about a dozen people I will continue to stay in touch with and likely meet up with again on my journey.

It’s impossible to list the incredible experiences I’ve had during this year abroad. Multi-day excursions, summit views, and activities…or entire locales that have taken me well outside of my comfort zone. As is the case with time, the memories are becoming fuzzier. Is my recall just bad or is it a universal problem for everyone? It seems next to impossible to vividly remember the exact details of a particularly great event. I can pinpoint some of the colors and shapes, but the reason or emotion is harder to summon. Even though they’re not totally gone, losing part of the shine on some these adventures already means it’ll be that much harder to relive in the future. I guess it’s somewhat of a conundrum trying to stack new memories on top of the old ones for fear of completely forgetting the past. Thankfully I can at least retrace the bread crumbs through some pictures and video.

One thing I haven’t grown out of is being a slave to money. I mean, I don’t have a dedicated budget, but I’m constantly choosing the cheapest possible option for almost every meal and accommodation. In retrospect, I think I went too fast and loose in New Zealand and Australia. I told myself before I left that I wouldn’t turn down an experience because of cost and I haven’t necessarily stuck to that principle. Now that I’m in Europe, I’ve got to be much more strategic with spending. Eliminating solo beers and unnecessary trips to the bar has helped. Also, lining up Workaways and housesits keeps the cash from flying out of my pocket.

While the volunteering opportunities have been good for my wallet, they’ve also given me a lot more down time. I’ve noticed a general malaise creeping up recently. I don’t think it’s a lack of energy because I’ve been getting decent sleep in the ever-changing beds. It might be a lack of motivation, though. For the past month or so, I’ve been coasting — very passive about exploring new areas and making decisions that stimulate the soul. I certainly recognize that I’m in a privileged situation to be able to travel like this, so I need to shake it off.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m still thoroughly enjoying my time. I haven’t felt an inescapable thrall to return home yet.

Yet.

Perhaps it’s coming. Maybe the lack of lifestyle consistency is starting to take a toll. Or I just need to test the boundaries again. Time to challenge myself again. I’m on a quest for the invigorating and it’s going to be awesome.

Half a Year In

I’ve been on the road for over 6 months now. The way I’ve been traveling is a bit loose; more or less planning as I go so I’m free to be spontaneous if the opportunity arises. I’ve had plenty of amazing and unforgettable experiences to be sure. But, obviously not every day can be an epic adventure. I’ve found that usually after a really incredible week of jam-packed fun, the next few days come with a down turn — a lack of activities and sometimes lonely feelings creeping up. If I’m not sure what to do next, I end up rushing through the planning phase to try and get to the following amazing experience and either make some bad decisions or waste time being indecisive.

So, even though a trip like this should be stress free, I have felt some pressure to make every moment count. That also applies to managing all of this media. Photography, video, witty status updates. As mentioned, this is a once in a lifetime opportunity so I’ve has the mindset that anything left uncaptured is lost. It doesn’t seem totally healthy, or accurate.  It’s not like the world is an attraction that’s closing next year (although maybe in the next 10 according to some climate change scientists). Sometimes it’s hard to accept that putting down the camera is ok. I’ve actually done this for almost a full month in Vietnam and nothing has crumbled to the ground…yet.

Anyway, I think the guilt — or shall I call it “drive” (to be more positive) — is innate within me. No matter where I am or what I’m doing, I always feel the need to create. When I was back home, if I spent an afternoon watching Netflix there was a nagging voice in the back of my head telling me I should be writing music. While on the road, I’ve tried my best to fill my “down time” with video or photo editing.

I’ve come across plenty of long-term travel blogs and forums discussing the importance of “rest”, which might be an infuriating term for those of you out there still going to work everyday. How do you need rest when you’re on what is an extended vacation? It does seem counterintuitive. I suppose taking a day to chill out and not worry about planning and logistics refreshes the mind and body.  Maybe so.

For me, I’ve tried it out a few times. The main problem I encounter is that it disrupts the inertia. It’s exponentially harder for me to get the forward momentum back once I’ve taken my foot off the gas. The couch or bed swallows me. I have trouble fighting my way out. Searching for the next hilarious meme is substantially easier than getting outside and going for a run, amirite? Sigh. Stupid motivation.

In the grand scheme of things, what does this mean? I guess I’m realizing that some of our impulses can’t be rerouted. I thought that my brain chemistry might change its configuration a bit while traveling. Even though I’m learning a lot and processing a few large-scale thoughts, there’s two principles that remain constant: life will find a balance and I can’t escape my inner desire to make shit.

Legacy has been a subject I’ve been thinking about over the past two years or so. Maybe something that comes out of this trip will be mine. But if not, I have to figure out how to be ok with that. Because experiences aren’t erased even if there’s no tangible evidence.