Somebody told me that Thailand was called “The Land of Smiles.” For the most part, it felt like that was only when people wanted something from me. I did encounter one smile in particular that was heart melting. I’m saving those details for the memoir though.
I suppose the smiles could still be a work in progress. Adult braces were popular. Same goes for nose jobs and fake boobs/gender modifications (ie ladyboys). I never had an in-depth conversation with a local about their take on that phenomenon. But the sex culture is so prevalent and open. I think Pattaya is the prostitution capital of the world. I was given a heads up to steer clear so am only able to speak anecdotally. I can, however, speak first hand to how Tinder was sort of categorized based on location.
Chiang Mai – Primarily girls working in massage parlors trying to get business.
Phuket – “Freelance” aka service girls.
Bangkok – Normal Tinder. Decent amount of matches that are pretty much dead ends.
On multiple occasions, I heard people mention so-and-so having a Thai girlfriend. Seemed like a common concept. I’m curious to get more insight on that and the ladyboy prevalence when I return.
Along with orthodontists and plastic surgeons, 7-11 owners are making a killing. I’m highly considering becoming a franchise member. It would be a guaranteed passive income. In some places, there are stores directly across the street from one another. This is not an exaggeration. It’s a surefire investment.
Other miscellaneous observations:
Umbrellas are for sunny days.
They cut with spoons.
Vendors are less pushy than other neighboring countries.
The public transportation system was pretty good.
Thailand is a very strange shape.
I wasn’t as nomadic across the country as I would have liked to be. And I didn’t have all that much time to thoroughly digest a place. I missed out on a lot of activities for sure so perhaps I’ll have a longer list the next time I visit.
One of Thailand’s unique attributes is that it provides diverse landscapes and attractions. From the mountains and canyons of the north to the tropical beaches in the south, you could spend time trekking with elephants or boating to a picturesque and private blue water haven.
Wherever you prefer, there’s sure to be a temple nearby. Gold-wrapped and ornate, the wats in Thailand offered a unique Buddha or structure to help differentiate them from one another. Faith was strong and on display everywhere, down to a cashier bowing with praying hands to every customer. That’s what makes the promiscuity and sultry experimentation such an intriguing contrast.
Perhaps my biggest indulgence during my time in Thailand was the food. I neglected to take a cooking class, but I partook in enough street food to make up for it. The depth of flavor was extremely inviting. Curry and Pad Thai options were addictive — this coming from a person who didn’t rate any Thai cuisine before traveling. Khao Soi is a must try if you ever find yourself in Chiang Mai.
A piece of hearsay I became privy to was that tourism seemed to be slowing down. I was there during low season (and don’t have another trip to compare it to), so I can’t offer an opinion on that. I will say that the people seemed to be more confident and audacious. Perhaps that could be attributed to more exposure with foreigners. The integration of western concepts was much more seamless here than any other Asian country I’ve visited. The prices reflected that as well. Whether or not that changes with a fluctuating tourism industry, only time will tell.
By the Numbers
Days in Thailand: 15 Planes, Trains, and Buses: 8 Islands Visited: 5 Massages: 2 Street Food Meals: 12 Temples Visited: Lost Count THB Spent: ~20,857.01 USD Spent: ~$662.74 (Conversion rate of 31.4709)
For those interested in visiting one day, here’s a list of where I went and how I ranked stuff: (click the top left button of the map to expand the list view)
Favorite Attractions: 1. The Grand Palace 2. Koh Phi Phi 3. Doi Suthep 4. The Marble Temple 5. Wat Chedi Luang 6. Wat Pho 7. Koh Khai Nai 8. Khaosan Road/Bangla Road 9. The Golden Mount 10. The Big Buddha (Phuket)
Lastly, below is my “best of” album. This country has a lot more to offer than what I captured but hopefully I’ll be back when I’m a bit more advanced in my photography skills.
I was in Thailand for two weeks and it’s been over two weeks since I’ve written anything about it, so here’s the most comprehensive play by play I can swing.
I took the #9 sleeper train from Bangkok to Chiang Mai to start. It’s a relatively new service, so the train was very clean and comfortable. I traveled 2nd class, which meant an air conditioned car with a bunk and privacy curtain. It made the 13 hour journey a breeze. Almost literally, because I was getting a little chilly from the AC — something that is rarely, if ever, said in this part of the world. There was an older Chinese gentleman that chatted me up in the morning before we arrived.
At 7am, we pulled into Chiang Mai. Since I couldn’t check into my room yet, I did a little bit of exploring. I was staying just outside of the old city — there is legitimately an ancient square perimeter wall delineating the city center.
Even though Chiang Mai is a popular destination in northern Thailand, there weren’t really any skyscrapers or a traditional downtown. On first glance, it was a comfy place. I saw some nice, modern apartments while walking down a few alleys. I quickly had the thought I could live there…without having seen any of the surrounding areas. I suppose it makes sense because I found out later that it’s the digital nomad capital of the world. I believe they’re mostly concentrated in another neighborhood that I ventured through a few days later.
That evening, I settled into my room and chatted with a few other travelers there. Me and Mike, a future digital nomad from Canada, went to a nearby night market that evening to try some stewed pork leg from “The Cowboy Hat Lady,” who has an infamous street food stall, possibly in part to Anthony Bourdain’sParts Unknown episode (RIP).
In the morning, I woke up early for a half-day visit to an elephant sanctuary that was over an hour drive outside the city. A group of 17 of us got to feed, trek, bathe and swim with 5 elephants, 3 of which were youngish. The place was ethical in that they never forced the elephants to do anything they didn’t want to do. The owner also explained that culturally, riding elephants isn’t really that inhumane (he compared it to a mosquito landing on a human’s arm), but in certain areas, the elephants are being worked 24 hours a day hauling lumber and whatever else. Putting them into a more natural habitat and allowing them to live at will is obviously a better situation though.
It was intimidating at first to be around such large and imposing animals. They wanted every banana immediately. Eventually when we were bathing and swimming with them, it was awesome. I was much less worried about being stepped on even though I couldn’t see where exactly they were under the water.
That evening, Mike and I took a trip to Doi Suthep which is a very prominent Buddhist temple up on a mountain. Our plan was to take some pictures and catch the sunset. Sadly, it was pretty overcast, but the temple had a lot of interesting nooks and crannies. There was also some kind of ceremonial dance going on that we weren’t expecting. A very unique happenstance.
When we got back into town, we ate some delectable Khao Soi, the region’s popular dish, consisting of chicken coconut curry and egg noodles. So rich and savory. I snagged this a few more times at various restaurants before I headed south.
We made the rounds for a while and then submitted to the heat. I made a tattoo appointment and got a massage before retreating inside.
The subsequent day, Mike and I set out to check out some of the temples within the old city. Temples on temples on temples. I don’t think it’s a fair argument to say once you’ve seen one you’ve seen them all. There are a lot of similarities between the ones that I’ve visited, but there’s also usually something very unique to draw your attention. In Thailand, specifically, there’s always some kind of gold-wrapped structure in the middle that gives a really grand feeling.
That night Mike and I went to the Muay Thai fights at the local stadium. I didn’t feel great about it. There were 6 bouts and for the first 4, the fighters seemed like kids. The betting amongst the locals was an experience to witness. I didn’t risk my own money, but I saw a British guy find success a few times. At the end of the night, two guys/teens got KO’d and one kid maybe broke his arm. There was barely anybody there to spectate too.
For my last full day in Chiang Mai, I wandered around Nimmanhaemin (digital nomad area), ventured into their swanky shopping mall, and got a sak yant tattoo.
I was turned onto the concept by Kaitlin, who I met in Cambodia and toured Angkor Wat with. A sak yant is a magical Buddhist design that is blessed by a monk. There are many different designs with different meanings and required body placements, and there’s a set of rules that accompanies receiving one.
Originally, I wasn’t planning on getting any tattoos abroad, primarily so I could use that money on travel. But the way these tattoos are delivered was something I wouldn’t be able to get at home. Traditionally, a monk would use a bamboo rod and needle to apply the design by hand using a dotting method. This particular shop used stainless steel for sanitary reasons — a call that I appreciated. Apparently so did Angelina Jolie. I found out she got a few done at the same shop.
Anyway, the design I decided on means kindness, compassion, peace and love. The experience wasn’t as formal or ceremonial as I thought it would be but I’m still really happy I did it. The tattooing process was probably about 30 minutes. It felt about the same as a normal tattoo, in my opinion. The most impressive thing was the speed and precision. It’s definitely imperfect since it was done by hand, but that’s part of the charm and authenticity. I initially wanted a different design and placement but I’m stoked on what I received.
Following the fresh ink, I caught an amazing sunset from the hostels rooftop bar and prepared to catch an early flight in the morning.
For some reason, there are no direct flights from Chiang Mai to Phuket, so I spent practically a full day traveling down to one of the islands off the west coast of the country.
I was staying in Patong Beach which I found out was kind of a party town. Bangla Road was a shorter version of Backpacker Street in Saigon — an insane amount of people, bars, performers and vendors all turning out at night to create a crazy spectacle. This time, it included a more noticeable amount of ladyboys.
The hostel I was staying in was nice, but very quiet. Maybe 10 people staying there total. Since it wasn’t quite the social environment I was looking for, I hopped on Tinder to see what I could find. I ended up meeting two different girls the first night and it basically went downhill from there.
One of them took me on an impromptu visit to two popular sights on the island – the Big Buddha and Chalong Temple. Then I treated her to a bbq buffet to repay the kindness. That was an experience because it’s an all-you-can-eat situation that you have to cook at the table yourself. There was varying types of meat in containers everywhere, so I tried not to think about the sanitary standards as best I could.
We returned to Patong and talked on the beach for a while before calling it an evening. It was a really good afternoon/night. Like a silly goose, I rearranged my plans to extend my stay.
There wasn’t much in the immediate area, and I couldn’t spend time in the sun or water because of the new tattoo, so my activity options were limited. It was a consideration I ignored while following a good feeling.
A few days later, after nothing eventful, I did an islands tour so I could at least see some of what I failed to visit. It promised a ton of cool sounding stops and snorkeling, which was an ideal day.
The weather was a let down for the first time since I’d been south. It rained in the morning which made the snorkeling conditions disappointing. After a choppy as hell boat ride that nearly destroyed my balls, we got to Monkey Beach. Except there was no beach so it wasn’t really a stop. Another disappointment. When we arrived on Phi Phi, the sun finally came out. It was the lunch stop though, so there wasn’t really much time to do any sort of island exploring. I was distracted but trying to make friends with some of the younger Americans on the tour. Next we went to “Viking Cave.” There was an old shipwreck inside the cave except we didn’t stop or even really get close to it. Disappointment. After another extended boat ride, we went to Koh Khai Nai. It was a really small island dedicated for beach chilling. It was low season and still got overrun with tourists shortly after we got there. Also, every 6 seconds a vendor approached trying to sell some sort of beer, food or clothing. Overall, I was happy to get out on the water but expected a lot more from the tour. If i hadn’t gotten it for a third of the brochure price thanks to a Tinder match, I might’ve lost my shit.
The sunsets from Patong Beach were really a saving grace. I enjoyed a handful that helped me forget any worries and enjoy the ebbs and flows.
I got a ride to the airport in the morning from another Tinder match. Pretty lucky situation. She was an awesome chick that I will hopefully stay in touch with.
So, after some extreme peaks and valleys on Phuket, I made it to Bangkok. I caught a very convenient bus to my hostel and was open to anything. This hostel was also quiet and I was the only in my room for a while.
I got some Pad Thai off the street and walked around the notorious Khaosan Road area. Another place that really came alive at night.
The next day I was sort of aimlessly exploring some nearby attractions when I was told about a holiday/promotion that meant certain tuk tuk drivers were only charging 10 baht. I hopped in one and was taken around to 3 different sights. I soon found out the catch, which was that I had to spend at least 10 minutes inside a tailor for my driver to get a coupon for gas. I was able to practice my indecision and stalling tactics long enough to make that happen, as uncomfortable as it was. Kind of a weird scam for the tuk tuk drivers to be running, but ok.
Since anytime between 12-6pm is basically unbearable outside, I spent the afternoon in some air conditioning hoping that my body would stop sweating. Side note: I’m down 15lbs again.
That night, I ended up rendezvousing with Davide (Italian I hung out with in Kampot) and Tamara (girl I met on the islands tour) for some beers and a foray into the seedy “adult playground” known as Nana Plaza. As the sex culture is widely on display there, I had to go see first hand what it was about.
It was weird.
Nana Plaza was basically a 3-story shopping center (using shopping quite literally, the girls were wearing numbers) of strips clubs and bars. We found out that you could pay to be with any of the girls you saw at any club. On the way out we were offered a trip to see a ping pong/fuck show, so that’s something. Also, there was a guy that quoted a cheaper price for an evening with a lady of your choosing. Honestly, I would’ve liked to see the pong show just to say I’ve done it. But in reality, I’m sure it would’ve been utterly sad, with maybe a hint of impressive. Fine with it in the end.
The next day, Tamara and I met up to see The Grand Palace (absurdly grand), Wat Pho and China Town. I can’t remember if I’ve mentioned that it’s mother effing hot here. The sun was scorching and neither of us really ate breakfast. We somehow made it to 4pm and then were demolished. We found some street food and then parted ways to die slowly in our own accommodations.
Eventually I went to get my first legit Thai massage. It was about $8 for 1hr of pain-adjacent body kneading. I left feeling worse than I came in, which I guess means that my normal is exceptionally wrong. I got a back, shoulder and neck one in the morning thinking it would be more relaxing.
No.
It left me feeling even worse so I don’t know what to think. Maybe just go Swedish all the way.
That pretty much wraps up all of my activities in Thailand. I looked around a few markets and such but nothing too noteworthy. My “In Summary” post will have more analysis on the important stuff so keep an eye out for that.
I’m not exactly sure what the right way is to sum up Cambodia. There were highs and lows as there always are, but this country felt different. Maybe it was because I started off doing something wildly sad on the first day. Really, I think it’s because they’re still on the cusp of figuring it out. It could have something to do with the large-scale adoption of western influences, all the way down to American currency. In my opinion, it would feel better if there was a stronger Cambodian personality, or at least a Khmer spin on the foreign aspects they choose to integrate.
There are some really good pieces, but the full puzzle isn’t quite there. Yet.
I found some great places to stay and some even better places to eat. But nearby there was bound to be mounds of dirt or piles of trash. Cleanliness can be chucked into the ‘in progress’ category. Geckos, roaches and rats were seen regularly. It’s something you have to put out of your mind when going to a restaurant. I’m not saying I need pristine surroundings (though the royal palace was a sight to see), but I could’ve avoided a few trips to the can in better circumstances. Although, you know, it wouldn’t be what it is without those elements. A few table ants and a mosquito bite during a meal does enhance the authenticity.
In addition to insect repellant, don’t forget your sunscreen if you’re visiting during the non-rainy months. And remember to budget for drinking water. To say it’s warm would be a massive understatement. Air con was a luxury; a fan was a minimum requirement. Again, part of the experience.
The cultural offerings were stunning to witness. From both sides of the table. The Khmer Rouge history is such an important part of the country’s identity, albeit cripplingly disheartening. Whether it’s recovery from that or general progress, they’re definitely building toward something. Once they get their transit system on track, I think growth will be exponential. I’d be interested to see the difference in 10 years.
As for the main standout, it has to be, unsurprisingly, Angkor Wat. You could easily spend a full week exploring the temples and still have so much left to see. Now, I don’t think a normal person would have the stamina to do it in that heat, but that’s beside the point. I’m having trouble coming up with more to say about it. The collection of structures and carved stone was so vast and impressive that I found myself meandering about. Much like this post.
I can’t finish without mentioning the Khmer people. So positive, so kind. I saw so many faces light up in response to a smile or “Hello.” Hostel staff treated guests like immediate friends. The attitude and character can not only be appreciated, but used as inspiration.
I hope they Seam Reap the benefits of happiness and prosperity. What a segue.
By the Numbers
Days in Cambodia: 13 Tours: 6 Bus Rides: 7 Tuk Tuk Rides: 8 Massages: 1 Temples Visited: Lost Count Angkor Beers: Lost Count KHR Spent: ~1,772,148.00 USD Spent: ~$443.04 (Conversion rate of 4,000)
For those interested in visiting one day, here’s a list of where I went and how I ranked stuff: (click the top left button of the map to expand the list view)
Lastly, below is my “best of” album. This country has a lot more to offer than what I captured but hopefully I’ll be back when I’m a bit more advanced in my photography skills.
The bus/shuttle game in Cambodia is an interesting one. The arrangements and scheduling are all very loose and ill-explained. Some people on the stretch from Kampot to Phnom Penh had tickets and some didn’t. We changed vehicles a few times. We ended up being crammed into a small passenger van for about 5hrs on a drive that should’ve taken 3. Once in PP, it was unclear what our next move was.
Thankfully, it was only an hour until the next ride to Siem Reap. It was another full passenger van. Six more hours of transit with a non-functioning seatbelt and a race car driver insistent on overtaking other vehicles in the opposite lane of traffic.
I arrived nonetheless and my hostel was in walking distance from the drop off point. What a hostel it was as well.
Lub d (whatever that means). The vibe was very welcoming. Awesome amenities with a bar and pool right as you walk in. It seemed social and the staff was incredibly friendly. The dorm rooms and other facilities were super cozy and clean. This place has slotted into my overall top 5 accommodations on the trip. I immediately extended my stay there by one night, partially because the place was sweet and partially because I needed the extra time to organize all of the activities I wanted to do.
Unexpectedly, there was a clan of other Americans also staying at the hostel. By far the most Americans in one place that I’ve encountered on my travels. Kaitlin (29, Maryland) and David (26, Wisconsin) did the free walking tour with me in the morning. The tour was underwhelming and quick but it gave us a chance to get to know each other. David and I hung out for most of the day while Kaitlin did some stuff on her own. We reconvened for a cycling tour of the nearby lotus fields that evening.
Cue several other Americans entering the fray. There was a fleet of westerners on biking through the streets of Siem Reap chatting to one another. It took around 30 minutes to get out of the city. We stopped very briefly in one lotus field and then continued onto a more scenic spot to watch the sunset. We drank a beer with the kind staff while playing Heads Up. Somehow one of them was all about the Friends category and knew everything. It was another guy’s birthday and he sang us a song as the sun dipped below the horizon.
We had another 30 minute ride back to the hostel that destroyed everyone’s asses because of the rock-hard seats. Even in the dark, it was ridiculously hot and humid. It was time for a dip in the pool when we returned. Meet Sara (39, Florida but living in the UK) and Michael (47, Delaware but current nomad). While enjoying our temperate soak in the pool, we decided to coordinate a sunrise tour of Angkor Wat together in the morning.
After that was arranged, we went for dinner as a group and met the birthday boy out at a Pub Street spot for a beverage. X bar had a grungy atmosphere with a decent view of the city. There was also a small half pipe on the 3rd floor. We did our best to behave since we had a 4am wake up call. By that I mean we left at midnight. I ended up trying to stay awake to watch a soccer match which was a poor decision.
The team was responsible and on time in the morning. Props. David, Kaitlin, Sara, Michael and myself comprised the Temple squad. We boarded our tour bus and had our day passes purchased by 5am.
We unloaded at Angkor Wat after some blue had already spilled into the sky. There was a crowd surrounding the reflecting pool but we weaseled our way into the mix and got spots.
The city of temples was overwhelming at first. So many massive 12th century structures to explore. Angkor Wat was built in 37 years which seems insane based on the size, detail, and material needed for construction.
Eventually we went inside and made our way to the third floor by climbing a steep set of stairs. The internal layout was a grid of hallways that led to large, open-air sanctuaries. Incredible. None of the pictures from the day can do any of the buildings justice.
On the way out, David was lightly attacked by a monkey that was after a coconut. Luckily it was a non-rabies altercation.
The second stop, Bayon (The Temple of the Faces), was difficult to enjoy because it was overrun with boisterous Chinese tourists. Everywhere you turned there was either a gaggle of people or a stone-carved face, so part of it was interesting.
Next, we glossed over a site where elephant fights were held, paused for lunch at 10:30am, and briefly scoped a Buddha archway.
The last stop of the tour was Ta Prohm, otherwise known as “the Tomb Raider temple.” Much of this site was in ruins, thanks to several large trees growing right through the middle of everything. Again, the scale was difficult to capture with a camera. I just hope my eyes don’t forget.
Just like that, the tour was done and we were back at Lub d shortly after 12pm. We did so much, but it also felt like it wasn’t enough time.
We had a full day pass, so we negotiated with our awesome tour guide, Vishnu, to take our squad back for an afternoon expedition to visit a few new areas and catch the sunset somewhere.
After individual rest sessions, the 5 of us piled into Vishnu’s tuk tuk and rode back to hot spots.
We had a small hike up to a hilltop temple that offered a good view of the surrounding landscape. Then we had a really worthwhile stop at a temple we had all to ourselves. The lighting and the architecture were a pleasant pairing. We had a fun photo shoot and moved onto another wooded one that was technically closed but we wandered through quickly. Finally, we got to Pre Rup where we witnessed the last gasps of the setting sun before being kicked out.
Vishnu drove us through a very large local market on the way back to the hostel. We were barely able to drag ourselves to dinner before calling it a night.
Most of the next day was a rest and recoup situation for me. I walked around the city for a while in the early afternoon and made a morning bus reservation to head to Battambang. Then it was time to chill more in the AC.
Once the group assembled, I found out that Sara and David were also planning on going to Battambang so we combined forces on a room booking and they got bus tickets like me.
We walked around some of the night markets, had a late last dinner together and then hit the town to have some fun. The hostel was having an organized bar crawl, but we made our own and met up with them for a little bit. In the middle of pub street, there were promoters handing out flyers for free shots everywhere (coincidentally one of them was doing that as a Workaway — good to know for the future). The pamphlet shots became problematic. There were many and they tasted terrible.
We had an odd experience at a place slightly off the grid. Then before I knew it, we were back at X bar. There was dancing, more drinking, a random fire show on the half pipe, and a very overt $30 offer for sex. Nope.
Time evaporated. Either the bar closed or I left. Not entirely sure which. Not entirely sure at what time. I had a dalliance with a local girl and by the time I got back to Lub d it was light outside. I rounded up my packed belongings and successfully managed not to forget anything in my drunken stupor. I was starting to fade in and out when Sara and David came down to join me. We boarded our bus on time and I finished watching Tottenham Hotspur miraculously advance to the Champions League final over cellular data before passing out hard on the bus.
I woke up pretty much in Battambang. Another 3hr trip that took closer to 5. The reduced squad checked into our new digs and went down to get a meal. We sort of got strong-armed into a tour on our way out, but it was all stuff we were planning on doing anyway.
Post lunch, we were taken to the bamboo train, which is basically just a sheet of bamboo propelled by a gas engine. It kind of flew down the tracks. It gave us a chance to see rural Battambang at pace. We stopped in a tourist trap where the highlight was a cute little puppy. Then we tracked back to the beginning.
Next, we went to see thousands of bats flying out of an elevated cave. We also climbed a very eerie hill that had many labyrinths of pathways, abandoned worshiping areas and dissonant music playing from somewhere. There was a killing cave that we never found. But we did brave a slew of monkeys to arrive at a hilltop pagoda with a scenic lookout. The creepiness factor of the entire area, combined with the looming darkness convinced us to bounce after a short time.
Battambang wasn’t much to explore at night. I think we ended up doing the same walk to Street 2.5 about 7 or 8 times. All the interesting cafes and bars weren’t far off that strip.
I caught some sort of bug either at lunch or dinner that kind of sidelined me for the following day. Although we did get a triples, traditional Khmer massage which was worth it — a light deep tissue experience, with loads of pounding and clapping. Somehow I made it through without exploding, which was good.
I was planning to catch a bus to Bangkok after the second night but that didn’t seem in the cards. Sara and David found an interesting “tour of the North” that seemed like a good thing to entertain and do some mending.
We had an early start on Saturday morning. There were supposed to be 8 stops but we only got 6. We survived 500 crocodiles and even got to hold a baby, ate some fresh bamboo sticky rice, nearly vomited at the fish market, saw two temples and a killing field, as well as tried some fresh spring rolls while watching rice paper be made. Definitely a good opportunity to get a glimpse into local life and witness some of the culture of Battambang.
The rest of the day was spent relaxing and making arrangements for our upcoming travels. Myself, Sara, and David had a solid dinner and watched a bit of live music before packing and heading to bed.
I’m currently in the midst of a marathon in-transit day, featuring at least 4 buses/shuttles, a break down, a land border crossing, a can of real BBQ Pringles, purchases in multiple currencies, and 15+ hrs of wheel rolling. I think I’ll make it to my destination. I hope I do…
Ten days around Vietnam with one of my oldest friends? Lock it in!
Me and my buddy Jorge have been talking about Southeast Asia as a travel destination for maybe 10 years at this point. It feels like forever. That’s why this trip was such a delight. It was a friend reunion, it was a travel reunion, and on a much less significant note, I was with someone that fully understood me the whole time. Let’s call it a success on every level.
Both of us are laid back and flexible, which is a combination that makes for an easy travel mate. The only time it really became an issue was when we were looking for food. The openness turned into indecision as we made several laps around a city before settling for a banh mi. So many banh mis. Which isn’t a negative thing because they’re the perfect meal — tasty, fast and cheap. If I had to summarize our trip into as few words as possible it would be banh mis, balloons, and the feeve. Details I will touch on later. The amount of fun/terror we had crossing the road should also get a mention.
Since we did an organized tour, the majority of our days were mapped out and we didn’t have to worry about the headache of transportation to and from. Vietnam is country that’s long but narrow, with a lot of distance between the main hotspots In the north (Hanoi) and the south (Ho Chi Minh City) — about 1000 miles. Having our route pre-planned helped us optimize the amount we were able to see and do. And it also gave us an opportunity to get a few in-transit naps.
We had 3 different tour guides based on the regions we were in. It was interesting because they all had wildly different interpretations of Vietnam’s history and culture.
In the North, Hung was a mid-20s guy with somewhat rough English skills. He wasn’t as knowledgeable as the others and was open about his admiration for Ho Chi Minh. He was a super nice guy and hardworking so it’s hard to knock him.
In the center of the country, we had Huy, who was a 35 year old rubber tree farmer that looked 50. He had facts and figures out the ass which were sometimes a lot to take in. Over the three days we were with him, we were exposed to his unique perspective on gender dynamics. A very conservative viewpoint. “Vietnamese women…very soft, very nice.” To boil it down, he believed that a woman’s duty was to serve the man, if we saw a female drinking she was a prostitute and that having 10 daughters was like having no children. Quite a harsh outlook, but I suppose it’s common for people from a small country village to believe that. I mean, they still give 3-5 cows as a dowry…a rating system that Jorge and I started using much too late in the trip.
Lastly, in the south we had Hai. He was over 60 and came of age one year after the war ended. As he was from Saigon, he was very liberal and direct. He seemed pretty disillusioned with the revolution and told us a story that painted the rest of his countrymen as prejudiced toward southerners.
The discrepancies are kind of surprising. And when we tried to ask one of them to validate the opinions of the other, they came nowhere close. The lack of consensus is a little puzzling. Even though beliefs can vary widely in the US based on region, I feel like we still generally agree that people from the south are hospitable but conservative, people from the north are more liberal and people from the west coast are completely free-spirited. Am I wrong about that?
Regardless, what Jorge and I observed seemed to align the most with Hai, whether accurate or not. Everyone in the north did appear relatively liberal, but money-motivated. The population in the central carried themselves with a more formal, stereotypical attitude and appearance. And those in the south, at least in Saigon, mirrored other major cities in being open-minded and embracing the taboo/experimental.
Ok. Phew. Now that the cultural pseudo-summary is done, I’ll get into our itinerary. I’m not going to go beat by beat with analysis over the whole 10 days because no one has that much time. But I’ll hit the highlights.
Day 1. Welcome to Asia, Jorge!
After 20 some hours of travel, I met Jorge on the street in Hanoi’s Old Quarter around 11am. This was my third time in Hanoi, so I was relatively familiar with the layout. We had a free day to walk around and explore.
We started with lunch, did some wandering, went down train street, found a brewery, initiated Jorge into the egg coffee community, and joined the squat gang by eating some pho on the street whilst sitting on tiny plastic chairs.
Day 2. The Sites of Hanoi
We met Hung in the morning and visited the Ho Chi Minh Mausoleum, Presidential Palace, One Pillar Pagoda and the Temple of Literature.
Unfortunately the interior of the Mausoleum was closed, so we didn’t get to see HCM’s entombed body. I’m guessing that would’ve been kind of weird anyway. We did get to see his old country style house and a few old cars.
The Temple of Literature is on their 100,000d note, so I tried to replicate that image.
We had lunch, checked out the Museum of Ethnology, and then walked around the Hoan Kiem Lake. Then we took a cyclo ride through the busy streets of the Old Quarter which was a fun way to see the city.
That night, we started with some drinks in a dive bar then walked around the night market. We witnessed a vendor get her entire fruit tray taken by the police. And then we did a bit more squat ganging for beer and a balloon (I wrote about this previously in my Hanoi post).
Day 3. Rice Fields and River Views
Departing Hanoi, we had a two hour drive to the Ninh Binh province. The first stop was Hoa Lu, which was the ancient capital, I want to say in the 11th century or something. We got to pet a friendly water buffalo. Then we had a delicious lunch in a garden where they just kept bringing plate after plate of food.
The marquee activity of the day was a boat ride down the Ngo Dong River in Tam Coc. A quaint row of buildings lined a river cul de sac where there were a million boats stacked on top of one another. There were many other tourists on the river at the same time but the scenery was stunning. It was a pretty long trip that took us through a few short caves. Our skipper rowed almost the entire way with his feet as well.
From there we went to a place called Mua Caves and climbed 300 steps to have an epic view of the surrounding area. Confused as to how a cave equates to a viewpoint, but who’s counting? (Semantics)
Our accommodation that night was a cozy resort in the middle of some desolate rice fields. This is when Jorge had the realization that the way he enjoys traveling is different now. Adulthood. Resort life. Cocktails by the pool. Relaxation. Good fortune.
Day 4. A Blue Sky in Halong Bay
We were picked up and driven another two hours to a port in Hai Phong where we caught our overnight cruise ship. We stocked up on some scotch and beer to bring along.
After a decent buffet lunch, and an introduction to the boat’s very attractive customer care specialist (I have developed a slightly uncontrollable appreciation for Asian beauties and I’m sorry but the only term to properly describe it is “feeve”), it was all deck time sailing amongst the gorgeous limestone islands. The sun came out and the constant overcast blanket I was used to dispersed to reveal a blue sky. My first in Vietnam. No joke. It only took a month.
Everyone aboard went on a small bamboo boat trip, deeper into the bay, through the “light and dark” caves. There was some free time for swimming which we used to drink outside and soak up the sea breeze. We had a few cocktails during sunset and enjoyed a pleasant dinner. We chatted with a honeymooning couple from Tennessee, a family from Indonesia and two female travelers from Switzerland. There was night time squid fishing which was pretty fruitless — they gave us baitless hooks. When everyone went to bed, I stayed on deck to have a solo beer and got corralled into helping one of the crew members learn English.
Day 5. All Kinds of Movement
We greeted the day with a very early morning Tai Chi session. The instructor moved quickly and I’m still uncertain what our bodies were supposed to be doing there. Ill-coordinated and fatigued.
After a light breakfast, we kayaked around an old fishing village. There were several communities living out in the bay until a year or two ago when the government forced them back on land to help preserve the environment.
Watching “the gaggle” of Malaysian tourists try to kayak was entertaining. There was one boat of two ladies that I don’t think made it 10 yards away from the dock.
Unfortunately the weather wasn’t as solid as the day before, but kayaking is kayaking. Always a pleasure to be out on the water.
During lunch (at 10:30am), there was a traditional music performance from a crew member named Mr. Happy.
By the time that was over, we were back at port and meeting up with our driver for another two hour ride to the Hanoi airport. We busted out the Priority Pass to lounge it up until our flight to Da Nang.
So basically there was a lot of transportation time before we arrived in Hoi An.
Immediately, there was a special vibe. The lantern city has a lovely feel with the architecture, cozy streets and colorful river banks.
Jorge and I met up with two travelers I roomed with in Bali and had some beers and a stroll. We also got to release some paper lanterns off the main bridge that connects the new and old parts of the city. I made a wish, but I’ll never tell.
Day 6. Yellow Buildings and Green Gardens
Huy met us at our hotel with bikes that we rode around Hoi An.
First, we stopped at a silk factory where they were making all kinds of things by hand. Jorge and I passed on the opportunity to have a custom-tailored suit. We also did not purchase any hand-threaded paintings, but they looked really sweet.
Next we visited the Japanese covered bridge, the folk museum, the Chinese Assembly Hall, an ancient house (that gets flooded almost every year), and a theatre where we watched an art performance.
From there, we rode outside the city, along beautiful rice fields, to a farm in the village of Tra Que. There, we had a brief cooking lesson on making rice pancakes (2 for 2 on the toss and catch) and ate them for lunch. We got our first taste of a Vietnamese foot massage as well, which was a game changer.
After a brief stroll through the well-kept gardens, we rode our bikes back to the city.
Jorge and I ditched Huy and continued on the bikes ourselves to discover more of Hoi An. We circled back to our favorite Happy Hour spot where it seemed you could always get a large bottle of Bia Saigon for 15,000d aka 65¢. We circumnavigated the city a few and were close to calling it a night but stopped back at the bar one more time because it was only 8:30pm.
We ended up chatting with two British girls who sat next to us. When all the reputable establishments closed at 10pm (normal for most places in Vietnam), the group ventured over to the cringeworthy Mr. Bean bar to continue the evening. That’s right. It was a Mr. Bean-themed bar. Terrible. A few more rounds and onto another bar. The girls glommed onto some other people so we got some balloons and watched a guy pull his scooter out of the river. Lolz.
Day 7. Are We in North Korea?
The main goal of this day was to see The Golden Bridge, which has become a popular tourist destination since opening last year. And because Instagram.
It was in an amusement park just outside of Da Nang, the Ba Na Hills Sun World. Crazy place.
We took a cable car up to the top of the “hill” which basically opened up into a fake European village. There were castles, cathedrals, and alleys and shops that made you feel like you were in Europe. But at the same time, everything was just a facade. There were games, rides and entertainers mixed in among these buildings that seemed to be made of plastic and styrofoam. It was very much an over-the-top setting without much substance. A beautiful storefront with nothing behind the curtain. And there was still sooo much under construction.
Thankfully, the main attraction delivered. The Golden Bridge, even though the hands were just textured to look like stone, was sweet. It curved out onto the edge of the mountain so you felt suspended in nature. While the park as a whole was full of tourists, we got somewhat lucky that the bridge was only mildly crowded when we were on it.
Initially, Jorge and I were feeling pretty confident about speeding through this place. In the end, I would’ve actually preferred more time to delve deeper into the nooks and crannies of this so called Sun World. There were so many things to investigate…and look behind.
On the way out of there, we took the scenic route over a mountain pass to reach Hue. We dropped our bags in our room and roamed the streets. At first, we went the complete wrong way, but had a nice walk by the river. Once we found the main area of the city, we did a few laps and settled on a place to have dinner, which ended up being the best meal of the trip. There were Vietnamese women around us that were drinking. Hookers.
Not really.
Day 8. Imperial and Forbidden
Our Hue city tour began with a walk around the Thien Mu Pagoda. There was another gaggle, this time of uniformed Vietnamese tourists that asked for a picture with me and Jorge. We were the tokens.
We took a dragon boat ride back down the Perfume River. With the entire boat to ourselves, it was awkward not buying any souvenirs from the persistent wife of the captain. A vicious cycle of items being held up and “No thank yous.”
Upon disembarking, we had a short walk over to the Imperial City, the former capital of Vietnam that is now basically a walled community. There were several buildings surrounded by halls, water features, and plants in bloom. Inside the Imperial City, separated by beautifully ornate gates, is the Forbidden City, which is where the King and his family lived. We got to see the ruins that housed the 5 wives and over 200 concubines. Every night, the King would apparently spend time with 5 different women for one hour each. He had a eunuch organizing his social calendar and reminding him of their names. The information that sticks with you…
We broke the confines for lunch, visited the Tu Duc tomb which was an entire compound, and then quickly passed through the market before being dropped off at the airport.
it was very much a small domestic airport, so no lounge situation. But eventually we boarded and had a quick plane ride to Saigon.
Side note — Jorge and I strictly refer to it as Saigon because 1) it sounds cooler than Ho Chi Minh City 2) the word was outlawed for 20 years after the city fell in 1975 and 3) that’s the beer we drank the most so…it’s gotta be Saigon.
Checking into our no-frills AirBnb was uneventful. It was a completely different story when we got out into the night life and found the main walking street.
It was an assault on the senses. There were tourists and locals everywhere. Shop after shop had tables and small chairs spilling out into the street, occupied by curious eaters and drinkers. There were children breathing fire amid various other street performers, wardrobe-sized speakers every 20 feet blaring awful karaoke, and mobile food vendors peddling additional flavors of the south. On our first pass through this exotic corridor of madness, we were accosted by some gorgeous women (feeve) trying to drag us into their massage parlors. Literally. we had to peel tightly-grasped fingers off of our arms. A few overwhelming laps later, we found a squat gang with suitable beer prices and set up shop to people watch. Honestly, I would’ve been fine if those were the only sights we saw the whole time we were there.
Day 9. Stepping into Apocalypse Now
In the morning, we piled into a car and drove out to the Mekong Delta in the Ben Tre province. We boarded a small boat that took us around to typical workplaces like a small brick factory and a coconut processing plant. Floating our way through the picturesque canals was a realistic embodiment of every Vietnam War movie you’ve ever seen — jungle-esque greenery lining a brown river under a beaming sun and a blue sky with puffy white clouds scattered about. This was, after all, the land of the “long-haired army,” where large numbers of women had joined the fight and it was next to impossible to discern between a villager and a VC. Thankfully, there was no gunfire to disrupt the serenity.
We walked through a small village, briefly stopped at a cacao stand (feeve x2), and visited a mat-weaving house. Then we climbed into a xe-lôi (a kind of motorized rickshaw) and were taken to a quaint lunch spot tucked back into the trees. Pan-fried fish, peeled off the bone. Delicious.
Finally, we hopped into a sampan for another peaceful trip on the water. Eventually, we made it back to our car and into the city.
For some extra adventure, we explored farther into District 1 that night. We ate at the Ben Tranh Street Food Market and found an awesome rooftop bar that was practically empty. As the night crept on, there was a gravitational pull back to the craziness of backpackers street, so we claimed two more chairs at our usual spot and enjoyed a few rounds of beers as the scene unfolded around us. Funky balloon.
Day 10. Biting the Bullet in Saigon
A typical day of sightseeing on one of the hottest days of the trip. For some reason, we started with a meal of hot ass soup at an underground food court too.
After perusing the market, we went to the War Remnants Museum. Most of the exhibits were pretty depressing, particularly the War Crimes room, and the museum left something to be desired in terms of the overall experience.
Needing a pick-us-up, we cruised by the Reunification Palace, Norte Dame Cathedral and Post Office. We also wandered around three of the prominent streets, Nguyen Hue Le Loi, and Dong Khoi before finding a solid watering hole with craft ales. Then we bounced between two other rooftop bars to get different views of the cityscape and watch the sunset.
After ample rounds of cocktails, we decided to be bold and take Grab bikes back to our accommodation. Considering how wild the traffic was, it felt like a mandatory activity. Don’t worry, Mom, they gave us helmets.
Safe and showered, we snagged dinner from a very local spot on the corner of our street. Then it was time for a final hoorah. Another foray into the wonderful chaos. It’s a predictable story — squat gang, a balloon, and some beers on backpacker street.
During a trip down a miscellaneous alley, we accidentally entered the gauntlet. We got smothered by what seemed like 10 girls. It was at least 6. But who can be sure? In that moment, it was impossible to resist their charm and perseverance. A massage felt earned after the whirlwind trip anyway. Plus, it seemed like another piece of the “quintessential Asian experiences” puzzle. In the end, the massage was just ok. And, of course, I ended up paying more than necessary because you kind of lose track of currency exchange in the presence of beauty. I guess it’s not really a scam. Or is it the oldest scam in the book?
What can I say? Saigon. Feeve.
There was obviously a late-night banh mi to cap off the evening too. The most fitting way to end the trip.
The next day we killed off the morning by packing, eating and sharing some of the photos we’d taken. We hung out at the airport until we had to part ways for opposite terminals.
All in all, I think we had the best time on the nature legs of the journey. Boating in Ninh Banh, Halong Bay and the Mekong Delta was special. The allure of Hoi An was also a big highlight for me. The only drawback is that the activity list seemed a little short there. In contrast, even though I’m not a big city person, I loved the energy of Saigon and think we barely scratched the surface of what there is to do there. I wouldn’t mind spending a full week there, but I might have to be pried out of a small plastic chair somewhere between Hair of the Dog and The Dragon Pub.
Even though the 10 days flew by, we definitely crushed our itinerary. Trust me, we’ve got the pictures to prove it. I can’t wait to do it again in another part of the world. Or maybe we’ll just have to come back to relive some of the glory and tackle the places we didn’t get to discover.
